Nickout under pressure.

I used to be a really normal an lazy person. And I still am, which sucks from time to time. But a few years ago, I became ambitious, and that's a dangerous combination, as I am about to find out these days.

In 2001 I started surfing. It made me mad. There was never anything in my life quite like it. It was so hard, but I wanted to be able to do it so much, more than anything ever before. And I did. It still is the best thing to do in the world, it is better than sex, food, drugs... you name it. This wave on the picture is in Pavones, Costa Rica, one of the best days in my life.

Then... While being at work, I found out that my ambitious mindset also had taken over other areas of my life, not only surfing. It went well, I did a good job, it felt great. Today the same thing is a huge problem for me. I switched jobs, I'm going to school at night and somehow troubles are coming at me out of all directions. My ambitioins demand great results from everything I do, but it doesn't happen anymore just like that. Even my Hattrick-team is fucking up on a regular and very unlogic basis.

What the hell is wrong?

I want my old world back, I want everything to work out well for me. It's so hard to tell yourself to fight for it when you're doing it for the first time. Unfortunately it is not nearly as much fun as surfing.

May be I should start praying.