Montag, 7. September 2009

I won the lottery!

In case anybody was wondering whether I won or not: I did. And I immediately wanted to buy a Bugatti Veyron 16.4 - that's right, 1001 horse power and 16 cylinders.

You can build your on their website. I wanted to order mine in yellow and dark green, plus silk interior. You can chose a "cognac" interior, which I thought would be fun to have, wouldn't it? But it's kinda weird to give colors alcoholic names.

That's when I thought: let's call Bugatti and ask them if I can order my Veyron 16.4 with beer-colored seats and the rest of the interior rum-colored. The Italian salesman thought my proposal was strange. He even mentioned that one would never mix the two beverages, so why mix the colors?

I then took my new private jet to fly to Italy, just to find out that these wankers are situated in France! Mon dieu! I then set up a video conference to show the salesman (who really was an Italian immigrant in France!) that it's no problem to mix beer with rum, only if you really want to. Stronzo!

The video conference lasted for about an hour. Halfway through I became very agressive due to the salesman's arrogance and - mainly - due to his really horrible tie which was a mix of champagne and coffee. Stronzo again!

I then asked him to get some champagne and coffee and mix it 50/50 in a large glas. He refused. So I did it. It's actually not that bad and a good counterstrike to the beer-rum-mix, which started to make me a little tippsy. I told the in France living Italian immigrant again, that this is the Obama-decade. You can get it if you really want.

The salesman appologized and broke of our video conference.

So there I was, a lottery winner at the Four Seasons Hotel in Milano, shitfaced, and not able to buy the Bugatti I wanted to have. I immediately gave up being rich, sent the millions and millions of €uros to the red cross and took a train to get back home.

Just because somebody decided to give colors alcoholic names.

Freitag, 8. Mai 2009

185 Millions

It's Friday. At lunch we talked over a schnitzel about winning the Euromillions. Not just a few Euromillions, it's a full 185 Euromillions (I realize just now that it's Euros/€, and that's one and a half times cooler than Swiss Francs). So after the schnitzel and fries, I played the lottery for the first time in my life.

It's a good feeling to know that I am going to be rich as fuck tomorrow. And I guess the feeling on Sunday will be even better if the hangover is not going to kill me. Well, this hangover is gonna kill me anyway. so I should not worry about it yet. But it's weird, you have enough money to buy the whole world, but you can't really cure a strong hangover, can you?

I remember the last time I was really drunk but not too drunk to think about getting up before going to bed I took some kind of painkiller before sleeping. It worked very well, and the feeling was weird: I got up feeling supersober, but I was drunk. I hated it. The altercation with a hangover was missing, pitying myself was not necessary and, even worse!, everybody expected me to be sober.

Funny enough I won't have those problems on Sunday. Because I'll just give everyone some thousand Euros or Swiss Francs just to shut the hell up.

Damn, that won't work, it's mother's day. I should think more before I write.

Montag, 22. September 2008

What happens if someone beats you up with a baseball bat? Not much, I guess, you die, you live, you have surgery, your life might be fucked up and people think you're weird.

Much more interesting is the thought of actually having a baseball bat yourself and beat up some people. The possibilities are far more wide open for the batter. Who you gonna beat homeboy? How, when, how long, how hard?

Of course, violence is not the way to solve things, but it is one way of getting answers, and answers lead to solutions, while solutions lead to everlasting glory, luck, prosperity and may be health. That's what we all wish for, isn't it?

Well, it might not be. But after all, we are too dumb to know anyway.

Montag, 29. Januar 2007

The End.

This is the end. Today, forever, for eternity. In case you don't believe what I am saying, have a look outside. There is a dead dog in front of your house. It was killed by aliens. These Aliens have Laserguns, and they'll kill each and everyone on this planet, starting with the dogs (they don't like dogs very much).

So don't save your dog, save yourself! The only thing you can do is the following: Send me 10 Dollars (or whatever other currency), and I will talk to them. Since they've known me for years, they might just kill all the dogs and then leave us alone.

Mittwoch, 17. Januar 2007

Jamie Oliver sucks.

I thought I had different problems, but this one is definitely a serious one. World, listen to me: Jamie Oliver sucks. Big time. And all those other TV-cooks as well. Many people don't know this, but quite some time ago, Jamie Oliver said the following thing: Yes, I confess, I am a rassist and I stole my mum's purse while she was having a bubblebath with our neighbour's dog. Naked! And I also admit that all the software and music I own is stolen, and when I was young I extorted little children so they had to give me their lunchbox. Unbelievable, isn't it? Thank god we all got internet acces now and we can all let each other know what is REALLY going on in the world.

Anyway, who would trust a dude who's cooking meals on TV? I wouldn't, never ever, no way. So, the choice is yours: fall in love with a smiling face on your television, believe in a fake attitude of a capitalistic cook and dig a big grave for everyone who has to eat (which is, by the way, the whole world, including developing countries) or start a riot against cooking shows. We will see us in the streets, it's the Djihad of us, the eaters! Burn Jamie burn, kitchen inferno! Burn Jamie burn, kitchen inferno!!!

Sonntag, 14. Januar 2007

Nickout under pressure.

I used to be a really normal an lazy person. And I still am, which sucks from time to time. But a few years ago, I became ambitious, and that's a dangerous combination, as I am about to find out these days.

In 2001 I started surfing. It made me mad. There was never anything in my life quite like it. It was so hard, but I wanted to be able to do it so much, more than anything ever before. And I did. It still is the best thing to do in the world, it is better than sex, food, drugs... you name it. This wave on the picture is in Pavones, Costa Rica, one of the best days in my life.

Then... While being at work, I found out that my ambitious mindset also had taken over other areas of my life, not only surfing. It went well, I did a good job, it felt great. Today the same thing is a huge problem for me. I switched jobs, I'm going to school at night and somehow troubles are coming at me out of all directions. My ambitioins demand great results from everything I do, but it doesn't happen anymore just like that. Even my Hattrick-team is fucking up on a regular and very unlogic basis.

What the hell is wrong?

I want my old world back, I want everything to work out well for me. It's so hard to tell yourself to fight for it when you're doing it for the first time. Unfortunately it is not nearly as much fun as surfing.

May be I should start praying.

Donnerstag, 4. Januar 2007

Just to make sure.

Just to make sure that the world is really about to collapse, I'm writing my second entry today! Even in a funny color which must be extremely depressing to some of you who do not read this. Ha, ha!